Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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