Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
