I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
