Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
