ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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