I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
