You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i will never coherently bang her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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