A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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