i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
