Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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