I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
