just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
