also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
