So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
