hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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