4 words: hood of his car
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
