lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
