this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
