Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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