i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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