I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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