so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
