OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
