you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if only i could text you this smell
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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