My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
