very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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