I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
