Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
