I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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