So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
