Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
