we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
