Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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