I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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