If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
