this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
