I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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