Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
