Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
