I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
