4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
