Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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