Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
