There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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