Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
