After last night, I could never be a politician.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can u get pink eye on your cock?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
