I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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