One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
