It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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