I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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